About a month ago I had my first real parent’s night with some of the parents of Zero Gravity teens.  It was a great night, which I really enjoyed.  After the evening a few parents came up to me and basically asked, “So what now?”  That may have been because I dropped a lot of info on them pertaining to what I see in teens and teen culture, without offering much practical advice of what they can now do.  In doing the initial parent’s meeting, and in hoping to do more, it really is my heart to help parents more effectively minister to their teens.  So since the parent’s meeting I have decided that I will now address my newsletters to parents specifically, hopefully with some good insights and practical help for ministering to their teens.  I may take a break a month here and there from talking just to parents, but I will work hard at trying to write to parents.

At the meeting I mentioned that parent’s are God’s plan A for reaching and discipling their children for Christ…obviously after the Word and the Holy Spirit.  I, the youth pastor am merely plan B, not a back up plan, but a support plan to the ministry you are or should be doing with your teen.

First encouragement, Ephesians 6:1-2 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  ‘Honour your father and mother’-which is the first commandment with a promise.” You have God given authority and therefore responsibility, over your children.  Sometimes we forget that “we”, as parents, have been given authority over our children.  I understand why we forget that, and it is because the world keeps telling us all the time that our children don’t want to hear from us, they don’t want us to be around, that we are not “cool” enough.  But I say to you, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is-His good pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:2).

God has told us that children need their parents, and parents need to be their children’s parents.  I say this to remind you and encourage you that God is on your side, in you and empowering you to do what He has called you to do!  You are not unimportant.  You are called by the Holy God, filled with the Holy Spirit, and commissioned by the Holy Son of God to be your children’s parents. AMEN?!

So in that there is one subject I will address and it is a response to the following quote that I read in the book “Generation iY: Our last chance to save their future.” by Dr. Tim Elmore and Dan Cathy. “The kids of Generation iY tend to be connected mostly with each other. My research tells me they typically spend over 50 percent of their day with peers and only 15 percent with adults, including parents. In fact 30 percent of their day is spent without any adult supervision. As a result, many don’t learn how to interface with folks from a different generation. Life for them is like an isolated compartment containing mostly people just like them…This reality is more troublesome than you might imagine. Many aspects of our society distance adolescents from adults, prompting kids to choose each other instead of grownups as role models. University of North Carolina professor Dr. Mel Levine asks, “How can you emerge as a productive adult when you’ve hardly ever cared to observe one very closely? How can you preview and prepare for grown-up life when you keep modelling yourself after other kids?”

This is a scary reality today.  But even more terrifying as kids not only need to model mature adults, they also need to model Christ.  Paul said in 1 Corinthians 11:1, “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” The first obvious practical advice for any adult would be: make sure you are following Christ!  My best practical advice for doing this is…just do it.

But the second take away is: talk to your children!  As mentioned in the quote above, teens today spend little to no time speaking to adults.  This is unlike anything we have seen in human history!  Teens need to spend time talking, thinking, and interacting with adults, godly adults, and specifically godly adults that love them and know them very well.  Your children’s parents are the best people for that job!  I know it’s a bit of a scary thought, sitting down with your teenager and having a conversation (I really do know I’ve had to do itJ), but they desperately need you too!

Think about this: According to the above quote from Dr Elmore guess who your teens are asking about what they should do about say, sex?  There teen friends; who will likely tell them what is popular, what they googled, what the TV said or what feels good to them.

Not only that, but God has commanded you to spend time teaching them about Him.  Deuteronomy 6:5-9, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  6These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  7Impress them on your children.  Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  8Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  9Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates.”

Plus you children actually want you too talk to them.  They desire your love, parenting, advice, council and input.  They may shout at you and loose their temper from time to time but they desperately want you to spend time with them.

My practical advice for this one is to make a specific time every week where you sit with your children one on one to do devotion, talk to them and pray with them.  Family devotions are good too, but a one on one is a lot better, especially when they move into their teen years.  The earlier you start this the better.  Had this been normal from when they were children, it would provide a natural place for discussion now that your child has become your teen.  But don’t get despondent if you haven’t done this from the get go, start now.  It may seem awkward at first, but after a while it will become normal.

Group times are also a great idea.  Dinner together most nights of the week should be a priority.  I know life is busy, but what could be more important than sitting together as a family and talking.  Technology was supposed to make life easier leaving more time for important things like God and family.  Unfortunately we’ve idolised technology and it has replaced family.  So my advice, limit video game/computer time, switch off the TV, switch off cell phones, make/microwave/order a meal, sit down and talk.  I now this may seem weird at first if it hasn’t been normal, but it will become normal.

Some of my favourite memories as a child and teenager are weekday nights spent together around the dinner table, laughing and chatting as we waited for my mom to finish eating.  My favourite family meal however, was Sunday lunch.  Pretty much every Sunday after church my family used to buy a Woolworths chicken (the equivalent of a Sam’s club rotisserie chicken), make a salad, buy some “nice” bread, as my Dad always said, and sit together on our veranda talking, laughing and learning to be an adult.  Did we fight, yes sometimes, were their disagreements, yes sometimes, did I want to watch a Sunday sports game, yes sometimes, but guess what is the only thing I really want to do when I go home to see my family in a couple of weeks…eat Woolworths chicken on the veranda talking and enjoying each other.

And in all of these things do not forget Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

I just recently had a parent’s evening for the Zero Gravity Youth Parents.  The first point I made is so important I think it is worth sharing in this month’s newsletter, especially considering Pastor Carl Current marriage series.  The following is a exerpt from that sermon.

The most important thing in reaching your teen for Christ, and for giving them the best chance at life is Your Marriage.  I do not know how else to say this, it is just simply your marriage.  I know there are single mom’s and dad’s here, and broken families, and I understand that spouses have left you and sinned against you, and for that I am deeply sorry, and there is hope and redemption in Jesus Christ.  But for now I want to bring some truth to those of us who are still married.

There is nothing more damaging to your child than divorce, and there is nothing more that screams hypocrisy to your children than a marriage relationship that is un-Christ-like and not “for real”.  Your children see right through you.

If Jesus is not the centre of your life, marriage, and the fountain of love and strength displayed in love, grace and forgiveness to your spouse, you have little chance of convincing your child to be a Christ follower or even a good, disciplined child who makes wise choices.  Many of you may be dealing with rebellious teenagers that have discipline issues, the first thing I encourage you to do is examine your own marriage.

Jesus gives us a little instruction on judging things.  In Matthew 7:4-5, part of the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus has addressed things such as adultery, murder, divorce, loving your enemies, he tells us, 4How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?  5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

This is what most of us try to do, plank in eye we say, “hey son you got some dust in your eye.”  “Hey son, stop lying to us.”  “Hey daughter, stop being promiscuous.”  “Hey son stop, looking at pornography.”  “Hey kids, treat your mom with love and respect.”  “Hey kids, treat your dad with love and respect.”  “Hey kids, have devotionals and love Jesus with your lips and your life.”  Your children may hear your words, but they see your plank!  Another truth, “People do what people see.” –Dr. Tim Elmore, Generation iY.  So in Jesus “lingo”, Your children will live your plank.

1 Thessalonians 1:4-8, “… You know how we lived among you for your sake. 6You became imitators of us and of the Lord; in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with the joy given by the Holy Spirit.  7And so you became a model to all the believers in Macedonia and Achaia…”

So, in parenting your children: first examine your marriage to get the plank out of your own eye.  And then in examining your marriage take the plank out of your own eye before getting the speck of dust out of your spouse’s eye.  I cannot stress enough how much your marriage affects your children!  I see it in their lives as I watch them.  I see it in their eyes and I hear it in their voices when they come in here and tell me.

But the thing is I do not want your children to be the only reason you examine your marriage.  Before that I want you to remember the promise you made to love and be faithful to your spouse, to share with them in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, to forgive and strengthen them, so long as we both shall live.  Can you do me a favour?  Take the two fingers on your right hand, place them on your left wrist and check your pulse.  Is it still beating?  Yup, so you are still alive.  So let’s start being men and woman of our word.

But before even that, I want you to examine your marriage because of the love Jesus has for you.  Note I didn’t say, out of your love for Jesus, but out of His love for you.  This is how Jesus describes His love for you.  Ephesians 5:22-28 and 32, “Wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord.  23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Saviour.  24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”  “25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy cleansing her by washing with water through the Word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife, loves himself…32This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church.”

The love that Christ has for you is a mystery.  It is unfathomable!  We did not deserve to be saved.  And we do not deserve to be sanctified, and used by God for His Kingdom.  But out of His sheer grace He saved us, sanctifies us, and will present us Holy and Blameless before God, because He is love, not because we are anything.  Remember all this while keeping in mind your role as a husband or wife.

I know that marriage can be hard, I am married.  I love being married, but at times it can be very hard.  Natalia and I had a very difficult first year of marriage.  But nothing in the Christian life is really designed to be easy.

Obtaining our salvation was not easy.  God had to become a man, get whipped until His back was strips of flesh, He had to have a crown of thorns pressed into His head, nails hammered through His hands and feet, His beard ripped out of His face.  He had to be ridiculed, spat upon, and then suffocate to death to pay for our sin.  It was not easy, but it was worth it, and He endured it, because of the joy set before Him, which was: us with Him forever.

I know marriage is hard.  But in the brief time I have been married there are two things I have learned: first, are six very important words; “I am sorry, please forgive me.”

The second is simpler, and harder, it is three words, “I forgive you.”  The second set of words are not easy sometimes…but I have to remind myself, neither was my salvation and that on the cross in obtaining my salvation Jesus said, “‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’  And they divided up His clothes by casting lots.”

Yes, sometimes marriage hurts, and forgiving is hard, but the amazing truth is not just that Jesus is my example, but that Jesus lives in me and Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.”  If we would just trust our God, submit ourselves to our Lord, and respond to His love, our marriages could be saved, and our children too.

So if you are married, stay married, and do it well.  Not just for the kids, but long after they have gone.  For some of you it may only be for the kids right now, but you need to come to the point where you’ve submitted to Christ, practiced forgiveness, and are living it for real.  Some of you can help your spouse in their forgiveness by practicing true repentance!  I would encourage you to dig a little into Romans 6 and 1 John 1 for homework.

If you are divorced or separated, my encouragement to you is that as far as it is possible for you, try and be reconciled to your husband or wife.

If you are divorced and have tried to be reconciled, or you are widowed, trust in Jesus.  Live forgiveness if you have been sinned against, and then do allow Christ to be your lover, friend, and Father to your children.  Also use the body of Christ, rely on us, ask us for help, ask mature men/women in Christ, or couples in Christ to hang out with you and your children, make deep friendships with married couples and families that love Jesus.

If you are happily married, you have a wonderful ministry opportunity to welcome single moms and dads and their children into your homes and lives.  As well as the opportunity to invite into your home Christian children and youth that do not have Christian parent’s.  I have these types of teens often tell me how amazing it is to see Christian parents and households and the love that they have.  Praise God!