I just recently had a parent’s evening for the Zero Gravity Youth Parents. The first point I made is so important I think it is worth sharing in this month’s newsletter, especially considering Pastor Carl Current marriage series. The following is a exerpt from that sermon.
The most important thing in reaching your teen for Christ, and for giving them the best chance at life is Your Marriage. I do not know how else to say this, it is just simply your marriage. I know there are single mom’s and dad’s here, and broken families, and I understand that spouses have left you and sinned against you, and for that I am deeply sorry, and there is hope and redemption in Jesus Christ. But for now I want to bring some truth to those of us who are still married.
There is nothing more damaging to your child than divorce, and there is nothing more that screams hypocrisy to your children than a marriage relationship that is un-Christ-like and not “for real”. Your children see right through you.
If Jesus is not the centre of your life, marriage, and the fountain of love and strength displayed in love, grace and forgiveness to your spouse, you have little chance of convincing your child to be a Christ follower or even a good, disciplined child who makes wise choices. Many of you may be dealing with rebellious teenagers that have discipline issues, the first thing I encourage you to do is examine your own marriage.
Jesus gives us a little instruction on judging things. In Matthew 7:4-5, part of the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus has addressed things such as adultery, murder, divorce, loving your enemies, he tells us, 4How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
This is what most of us try to do, plank in eye we say, “hey son you got some dust in your eye.” “Hey son, stop lying to us.” “Hey daughter, stop being promiscuous.” “Hey son stop, looking at pornography.” “Hey kids, treat your mom with love and respect.” “Hey kids, treat your dad with love and respect.” “Hey kids, have devotionals and love Jesus with your lips and your life.” Your children may hear your words, but they see your plank! Another truth, “People do what people see.” –Dr. Tim Elmore, Generation iY. So in Jesus “lingo”, Your children will live your plank.
1 Thessalonians 1:4-8, “… You know how we lived among you for your sake. 6You became imitators of us and of the Lord; in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. 7And so you became a model to all the believers in Macedonia and Achaia…”
So, in parenting your children: first examine your marriage to get the plank out of your own eye. And then in examining your marriage take the plank out of your own eye before getting the speck of dust out of your spouse’s eye. I cannot stress enough how much your marriage affects your children! I see it in their lives as I watch them. I see it in their eyes and I hear it in their voices when they come in here and tell me.
But the thing is I do not want your children to be the only reason you examine your marriage. Before that I want you to remember the promise you made to love and be faithful to your spouse, to share with them in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, to forgive and strengthen them, so long as we both shall live. Can you do me a favour? Take the two fingers on your right hand, place them on your left wrist and check your pulse. Is it still beating? Yup, so you are still alive. So let’s start being men and woman of our word.
But before even that, I want you to examine your marriage because of the love Jesus has for you. Note I didn’t say, out of your love for Jesus, but out of His love for you. This is how Jesus describes His love for you. Ephesians 5:22-28 and 32, “Wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Saviour. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” “25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy cleansing her by washing with water through the Word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself…32This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church.”
The love that Christ has for you is a mystery. It is unfathomable! We did not deserve to be saved. And we do not deserve to be sanctified, and used by God for His Kingdom. But out of His sheer grace He saved us, sanctifies us, and will present us Holy and Blameless before God, because He is love, not because we are anything. Remember all this while keeping in mind your role as a husband or wife.
I know that marriage can be hard, I am married. I love being married, but at times it can be very hard. Natalia and I had a very difficult first year of marriage. But nothing in the Christian life is really designed to be easy.
Obtaining our salvation was not easy. God had to become a man, get whipped until His back was strips of flesh, He had to have a crown of thorns pressed into His head, nails hammered through His hands and feet, His beard ripped out of His face. He had to be ridiculed, spat upon, and then suffocate to death to pay for our sin. It was not easy, but it was worth it, and He endured it, because of the joy set before Him, which was: us with Him forever.
I know marriage is hard. But in the brief time I have been married there are two things I have learned: first, are six very important words; “I am sorry, please forgive me.”
The second is simpler, and harder, it is three words, “I forgive you.” The second set of words are not easy sometimes…but I have to remind myself, neither was my salvation and that on the cross in obtaining my salvation Jesus said, “‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’ And they divided up His clothes by casting lots.”
Yes, sometimes marriage hurts, and forgiving is hard, but the amazing truth is not just that Jesus is my example, but that Jesus lives in me and Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.” If we would just trust our God, submit ourselves to our Lord, and respond to His love, our marriages could be saved, and our children too.
So if you are married, stay married, and do it well. Not just for the kids, but long after they have gone. For some of you it may only be for the kids right now, but you need to come to the point where you’ve submitted to Christ, practiced forgiveness, and are living it for real. Some of you can help your spouse in their forgiveness by practicing true repentance! I would encourage you to dig a little into Romans 6 and 1 John 1 for homework.
If you are divorced or separated, my encouragement to you is that as far as it is possible for you, try and be reconciled to your husband or wife.
If you are divorced and have tried to be reconciled, or you are widowed, trust in Jesus. Live forgiveness if you have been sinned against, and then do allow Christ to be your lover, friend, and Father to your children. Also use the body of Christ, rely on us, ask us for help, ask mature men/women in Christ, or couples in Christ to hang out with you and your children, make deep friendships with married couples and families that love Jesus.
If you are happily married, you have a wonderful ministry opportunity to welcome single moms and dads and their children into your homes and lives. As well as the opportunity to invite into your home Christian children and youth that do not have Christian parent’s. I have these types of teens often tell me how amazing it is to see Christian parents and households and the love that they have. Praise God!
