Hi parents.  It’s me again.  I come with the hope of encouraging you and continuing to endeavor to partner with you in discipling your teens.  I know sometimes I think my job can be hard, but I know that yours is way more daily than mine.  So in that I hope to help, encourage and inspire you to continue to persevere in the calling of “Parent” that God has placed on your life.

One of my favorite times of the week is Sunday from 6pm-8(sometimes 10)pm when we host the High School students at our house for “connect”.  I love teaching them, but even more than that I like hearing them think out loud, discuss biblical truth and just chat.

Not only have I learnt a lot about each individual, but also a lot about teens in general.  If there is one verse that keeps coming to mind and keeps coming up in our discussions it is Romans 12:2, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

What constantly astounds me is how conformed to the pattern of this world teens are and how they are transformed by the thinking of this world.  There is definitely a raging battle between their spirit and their flesh.  One of the biggest battle fronts we face with the world is with our young ladies.  These young ladies are desperate for love, for romance, for freedom and for a knight in shining armor to come and rescue them to that freedom.  Unfortunately most of the knights are not noble and true, but dark at heart, and even worse the world is teaching them how to only “catch” or “lure” the dark hearted knights.

1 Peter 3:3-4 says, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

This is not the lesson of the world!  The world is teaching your young ladies that the only value they have is in their outward adornment, and that the only way to be attractive is to be sexual.  Popular culture is bombarding us and our young ladies with the lie that the only way to catch a guy’s eye is through lustful clothing, speech, texting and typing.

Now there is some truth to that.  You will catch a guy’s attention, just not the right guy.  The type of guy they are largely going to attract is the guy that keeps them for a night, and leaves them in the morning.

I think we sometimes forget the mind of a teenage boy.  I recently took a trip down memory lane to my high school.  I went to an all boys high school, and so there were only male locker rooms.  I remember the conversations about girls, they weren’t Godly or respectful.  After having a discussion with some of our male teens, they reported nothing much has changed.

So Dad’s I want to encourage you to continue to be on guard over your daughters.  You are well within in your rights as a Dad to send them back into their bedroom to change.  You are protecting them if you do.

Mom’s, for you it is obviously important that you lead by example on this one.  But not only that but you have a great opportunity to use the conversation about modesty to bring it back to the heart of God.  In fact it is imperative that you do.  (Dad’s I encourage you to be in on this conversation too!)  Rules are not going to get your teen excited about modesty, but a relationship with the all-powerful God of the Universe will.

The topic of modesty is a character of God issue.  Notice that Peter ends that sentence about the woman of inner beauty with “… which is of great worth in God’s sight.” Unless your children know God, Christianity will just be a bunch of rules.  Modesty is a realization that the infinite creator God of the Universe is an infinitely holy being that has taken up residence in them when they were saved.  Not only that but He is a loving Daddy, who gives loving commands for His glory and their good and protection.

God does not want them to attract a boy that treats them as a vending machine, putting in some cheep change one liners and leaving as soon as he gets what he wants.  Instead God wants them to find a man that treats them like a daughter princess of a powerful King, that respects the power of the King, knows the King, and who fights valiantly to win her heart and keep it until the King calls them home.

God’s ways are higher than our ways, and God’s value of our young ladies is greater than the world’s.  Dad’s and Mom’s, our young ladies are beautiful and precious to God and to us.  This is a battle we cannot afford to give up on, and it is a battle that has to be brought to the feet and heart of Jesus if it is to be won.  I am praying for you. Please pray for me too.

This weekend Natalia and I enjoyed some time out together.  We hit the mall for some Chinese (not “Panda Express”, the other place) and a movie.  We decided that we would watch the much anticipated Huger Games movie.  Although I hadn’t read the books, the trailers looked fairly cool, and knowing that many of our young people were anticipating seeing it, we paid for our tickets and hoped to soon discover what all the fuss was about.

Being a bit of a fantasy, Sci-fi, “anything to do with another world”, the “end of the world”, or “the future of the world” junkie, I was pretty excited.  Needless to say the movie had my attention pretty quickly and I was into the story and identifying with the characters from the first scene.  Overall I must say I really enjoyed the movie, however there were some moments in the movie that really shocked me, and really left me with a lot to think about.

This newsletter is not an attempt to demonize the movie, or to be a film critic, but rather a discussion of some of the red flags that went up in my mind as I thought of our young people and the culture they find themselves in.  I am also writing as someone who has only watched the movie and has not read the books.  Pastor Carl has read the books and seen the movie and says that he thought the experience for someone who read the books would be very different.  I am continuing in speaking to the parents as we partner in raising your children in the fear and admonition of the Lord, so I welcome some discussion about this newsletter via email, or in the hallways of the church building.

For those who don’t know, The Hunger Games is set in a future world, where it seems there was an uprising of the people and the nation was all but completely destroyed.  A new nation has arisen made up of 12 districts, all autocratically ruled from the Capitol.  The whole nation is focused on a “reality TV game-show” established and run by the Capitol.  The “game-show” involves the selection of two children from each district, age 12-18, who battle to the death in a massive, hyper controlled, yet realistic environment, where the “producer” can manipulate almost anything to keep the “show” entertaining while achieving the Capitols political ends.  This game is a constant reminder that the Capitol ultimately rules their lives.  Clearly a society with a corrupt moral core, yet the Capitol has the façade of wealth, beauty and sophistication.

Here is my concern.  Our children are reading, watching and enjoying a story where children ruthlessly kill each other.  I was honestly shocked to see a child kill another child on the big screen…22 times.  The “game-show” starts with all participants massacring each other while they fight for the supplies that they have been strategically placed in front of.  My deeper concern is that after the movie the oldies and parents were visibly shocked and commenting on some of the death scenes, where as the teens were cheering, clapping and anticipating the sequel.

Here are some of the thoughts I had.  First, when I was a teenager I loved reading Lord of The Rings.  When I was reading I was totally in that world in my mind. The characters at times became more real than reality, this was even more so in watching the movies.  This makes me wonder how our teens are indentifying with these characters as they violently kill each other.

Now I am very aware that in some cultures around the world children killing children is more of a norm than here in America, such as some of the child soldiers in Africa or the child gangs in Brazil.  But at the same time children killing children is starting to become a norm in our culture too.  My concern is that the children of this current generation in America are less shocked by violence than any we have seen for a while.  They are also one of the least churched, and most secularised generations that America has seen, that live in a cultural norm of vague moral constructs and parameters.  The teens of this generation have severe trouble in dealing with moral dilemmas and distinguishing right from wrong.  Not only that but they are brought up in an education system that does not teach critical thinking skills, and so they find it difficult to process information that is fed to them.

In YWAM I did some training in which we were taught that ideas have consequences.  Ideas do not just remain theoretical ideas for very long, but actually have an impact on people’s lives and even whole societies.  Media is a powerful communicator of ideas.  Movies are especially powerful, as people are emotionally drawn into the characters and the plot, whilst simultaneously switching their brains off.  My concern is that most of the teenagers I chatted to about the movie didn’t once mention the violence, where as most of the adults I chatted to and the blogs I read did.

Now I know that this was not the only major theme in the movie, and that there are some really good lessons that our teens can, and should learn from this movie, which I hear are even more well presented in the book series.  However I think our teens more than any other generation, really need us to sit down with them and talk through some of the ideas presented in movies, books and other media.  We, as parents, have the responsibility of overseeing what our children listen too, read, watch and are taught, and where necessary even forbidding them to watch, listen or read certain things.

Here are some of my other thoughts which may also serve as good talking points for our teens about the Hunger Games.

1. What is the difference between a fake society that watches children kill each other for entertainment, and a real society who is entertained by a fake society who watches children kill each other for entertainment?
2. Does God want us to watch people kill each other for entertainment?
3. How valuable is human life?
4. Is there a cause worth dying for?
5. Would you lay down your life for another person?
6. Is there a difference between laying down your life for something or someone and killing for something or someone?
7. Do you think violence on TV, movies and video games increases or decreases how you value human life?
8. Are there any characters/themes in this movie/book that you could use as a bridge to sharing the gospel with friends?  And if so how would you do that?
9. When does watching something to be culturally relevant or entertained become sinful?
10. What would God want you to do if you found yourself in these characters shoes?

Sometimes we need to forbid our children from watching certain things, other times we need to allow our children to watch certain things but teach them how to think through what they are watching and prepare them for life in the world.  We too need to do the same for ourselves.  I hope this newsletter gave you something to think about, and will spark some conversation between you and your children about their media consumption.

About a month ago I had my first real parent’s night with some of the parents of Zero Gravity teens.  It was a great night, which I really enjoyed.  After the evening a few parents came up to me and basically asked, “So what now?”  That may have been because I dropped a lot of info on them pertaining to what I see in teens and teen culture, without offering much practical advice of what they can now do.  In doing the initial parent’s meeting, and in hoping to do more, it really is my heart to help parents more effectively minister to their teens.  So since the parent’s meeting I have decided that I will now address my newsletters to parents specifically, hopefully with some good insights and practical help for ministering to their teens.  I may take a break a month here and there from talking just to parents, but I will work hard at trying to write to parents.

At the meeting I mentioned that parent’s are God’s plan A for reaching and discipling their children for Christ…obviously after the Word and the Holy Spirit.  I, the youth pastor am merely plan B, not a back up plan, but a support plan to the ministry you are or should be doing with your teen.

First encouragement, Ephesians 6:1-2 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  ‘Honour your father and mother’-which is the first commandment with a promise.” You have God given authority and therefore responsibility, over your children.  Sometimes we forget that “we”, as parents, have been given authority over our children.  I understand why we forget that, and it is because the world keeps telling us all the time that our children don’t want to hear from us, they don’t want us to be around, that we are not “cool” enough.  But I say to you, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is-His good pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:2).

God has told us that children need their parents, and parents need to be their children’s parents.  I say this to remind you and encourage you that God is on your side, in you and empowering you to do what He has called you to do!  You are not unimportant.  You are called by the Holy God, filled with the Holy Spirit, and commissioned by the Holy Son of God to be your children’s parents. AMEN?!

So in that there is one subject I will address and it is a response to the following quote that I read in the book “Generation iY: Our last chance to save their future.” by Dr. Tim Elmore and Dan Cathy. “The kids of Generation iY tend to be connected mostly with each other. My research tells me they typically spend over 50 percent of their day with peers and only 15 percent with adults, including parents. In fact 30 percent of their day is spent without any adult supervision. As a result, many don’t learn how to interface with folks from a different generation. Life for them is like an isolated compartment containing mostly people just like them…This reality is more troublesome than you might imagine. Many aspects of our society distance adolescents from adults, prompting kids to choose each other instead of grownups as role models. University of North Carolina professor Dr. Mel Levine asks, “How can you emerge as a productive adult when you’ve hardly ever cared to observe one very closely? How can you preview and prepare for grown-up life when you keep modelling yourself after other kids?”

This is a scary reality today.  But even more terrifying as kids not only need to model mature adults, they also need to model Christ.  Paul said in 1 Corinthians 11:1, “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” The first obvious practical advice for any adult would be: make sure you are following Christ!  My best practical advice for doing this is…just do it.

But the second take away is: talk to your children!  As mentioned in the quote above, teens today spend little to no time speaking to adults.  This is unlike anything we have seen in human history!  Teens need to spend time talking, thinking, and interacting with adults, godly adults, and specifically godly adults that love them and know them very well.  Your children’s parents are the best people for that job!  I know it’s a bit of a scary thought, sitting down with your teenager and having a conversation (I really do know I’ve had to do itJ), but they desperately need you too!

Think about this: According to the above quote from Dr Elmore guess who your teens are asking about what they should do about say, sex?  There teen friends; who will likely tell them what is popular, what they googled, what the TV said or what feels good to them.

Not only that, but God has commanded you to spend time teaching them about Him.  Deuteronomy 6:5-9, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  6These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  7Impress them on your children.  Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  8Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  9Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates.”

Plus you children actually want you too talk to them.  They desire your love, parenting, advice, council and input.  They may shout at you and loose their temper from time to time but they desperately want you to spend time with them.

My practical advice for this one is to make a specific time every week where you sit with your children one on one to do devotion, talk to them and pray with them.  Family devotions are good too, but a one on one is a lot better, especially when they move into their teen years.  The earlier you start this the better.  Had this been normal from when they were children, it would provide a natural place for discussion now that your child has become your teen.  But don’t get despondent if you haven’t done this from the get go, start now.  It may seem awkward at first, but after a while it will become normal.

Group times are also a great idea.  Dinner together most nights of the week should be a priority.  I know life is busy, but what could be more important than sitting together as a family and talking.  Technology was supposed to make life easier leaving more time for important things like God and family.  Unfortunately we’ve idolised technology and it has replaced family.  So my advice, limit video game/computer time, switch off the TV, switch off cell phones, make/microwave/order a meal, sit down and talk.  I now this may seem weird at first if it hasn’t been normal, but it will become normal.

Some of my favourite memories as a child and teenager are weekday nights spent together around the dinner table, laughing and chatting as we waited for my mom to finish eating.  My favourite family meal however, was Sunday lunch.  Pretty much every Sunday after church my family used to buy a Woolworths chicken (the equivalent of a Sam’s club rotisserie chicken), make a salad, buy some “nice” bread, as my Dad always said, and sit together on our veranda talking, laughing and learning to be an adult.  Did we fight, yes sometimes, were their disagreements, yes sometimes, did I want to watch a Sunday sports game, yes sometimes, but guess what is the only thing I really want to do when I go home to see my family in a couple of weeks…eat Woolworths chicken on the veranda talking and enjoying each other.

And in all of these things do not forget Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

I just recently had a parent’s evening for the Zero Gravity Youth Parents.  The first point I made is so important I think it is worth sharing in this month’s newsletter, especially considering Pastor Carl Current marriage series.  The following is a exerpt from that sermon.

The most important thing in reaching your teen for Christ, and for giving them the best chance at life is Your Marriage.  I do not know how else to say this, it is just simply your marriage.  I know there are single mom’s and dad’s here, and broken families, and I understand that spouses have left you and sinned against you, and for that I am deeply sorry, and there is hope and redemption in Jesus Christ.  But for now I want to bring some truth to those of us who are still married.

There is nothing more damaging to your child than divorce, and there is nothing more that screams hypocrisy to your children than a marriage relationship that is un-Christ-like and not “for real”.  Your children see right through you.

If Jesus is not the centre of your life, marriage, and the fountain of love and strength displayed in love, grace and forgiveness to your spouse, you have little chance of convincing your child to be a Christ follower or even a good, disciplined child who makes wise choices.  Many of you may be dealing with rebellious teenagers that have discipline issues, the first thing I encourage you to do is examine your own marriage.

Jesus gives us a little instruction on judging things.  In Matthew 7:4-5, part of the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus has addressed things such as adultery, murder, divorce, loving your enemies, he tells us, 4How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?  5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

This is what most of us try to do, plank in eye we say, “hey son you got some dust in your eye.”  “Hey son, stop lying to us.”  “Hey daughter, stop being promiscuous.”  “Hey son stop, looking at pornography.”  “Hey kids, treat your mom with love and respect.”  “Hey kids, treat your dad with love and respect.”  “Hey kids, have devotionals and love Jesus with your lips and your life.”  Your children may hear your words, but they see your plank!  Another truth, “People do what people see.” –Dr. Tim Elmore, Generation iY.  So in Jesus “lingo”, Your children will live your plank.

1 Thessalonians 1:4-8, “… You know how we lived among you for your sake. 6You became imitators of us and of the Lord; in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with the joy given by the Holy Spirit.  7And so you became a model to all the believers in Macedonia and Achaia…”

So, in parenting your children: first examine your marriage to get the plank out of your own eye.  And then in examining your marriage take the plank out of your own eye before getting the speck of dust out of your spouse’s eye.  I cannot stress enough how much your marriage affects your children!  I see it in their lives as I watch them.  I see it in their eyes and I hear it in their voices when they come in here and tell me.

But the thing is I do not want your children to be the only reason you examine your marriage.  Before that I want you to remember the promise you made to love and be faithful to your spouse, to share with them in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, to forgive and strengthen them, so long as we both shall live.  Can you do me a favour?  Take the two fingers on your right hand, place them on your left wrist and check your pulse.  Is it still beating?  Yup, so you are still alive.  So let’s start being men and woman of our word.

But before even that, I want you to examine your marriage because of the love Jesus has for you.  Note I didn’t say, out of your love for Jesus, but out of His love for you.  This is how Jesus describes His love for you.  Ephesians 5:22-28 and 32, “Wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord.  23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Saviour.  24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”  “25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy cleansing her by washing with water through the Word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife, loves himself…32This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church.”

The love that Christ has for you is a mystery.  It is unfathomable!  We did not deserve to be saved.  And we do not deserve to be sanctified, and used by God for His Kingdom.  But out of His sheer grace He saved us, sanctifies us, and will present us Holy and Blameless before God, because He is love, not because we are anything.  Remember all this while keeping in mind your role as a husband or wife.

I know that marriage can be hard, I am married.  I love being married, but at times it can be very hard.  Natalia and I had a very difficult first year of marriage.  But nothing in the Christian life is really designed to be easy.

Obtaining our salvation was not easy.  God had to become a man, get whipped until His back was strips of flesh, He had to have a crown of thorns pressed into His head, nails hammered through His hands and feet, His beard ripped out of His face.  He had to be ridiculed, spat upon, and then suffocate to death to pay for our sin.  It was not easy, but it was worth it, and He endured it, because of the joy set before Him, which was: us with Him forever.

I know marriage is hard.  But in the brief time I have been married there are two things I have learned: first, are six very important words; “I am sorry, please forgive me.”

The second is simpler, and harder, it is three words, “I forgive you.”  The second set of words are not easy sometimes…but I have to remind myself, neither was my salvation and that on the cross in obtaining my salvation Jesus said, “‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’  And they divided up His clothes by casting lots.”

Yes, sometimes marriage hurts, and forgiving is hard, but the amazing truth is not just that Jesus is my example, but that Jesus lives in me and Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.”  If we would just trust our God, submit ourselves to our Lord, and respond to His love, our marriages could be saved, and our children too.

So if you are married, stay married, and do it well.  Not just for the kids, but long after they have gone.  For some of you it may only be for the kids right now, but you need to come to the point where you’ve submitted to Christ, practiced forgiveness, and are living it for real.  Some of you can help your spouse in their forgiveness by practicing true repentance!  I would encourage you to dig a little into Romans 6 and 1 John 1 for homework.

If you are divorced or separated, my encouragement to you is that as far as it is possible for you, try and be reconciled to your husband or wife.

If you are divorced and have tried to be reconciled, or you are widowed, trust in Jesus.  Live forgiveness if you have been sinned against, and then do allow Christ to be your lover, friend, and Father to your children.  Also use the body of Christ, rely on us, ask us for help, ask mature men/women in Christ, or couples in Christ to hang out with you and your children, make deep friendships with married couples and families that love Jesus.

If you are happily married, you have a wonderful ministry opportunity to welcome single moms and dads and their children into your homes and lives.  As well as the opportunity to invite into your home Christian children and youth that do not have Christian parent’s.  I have these types of teens often tell me how amazing it is to see Christian parents and households and the love that they have.  Praise God!

2011 is over, 2012 has begun.  We could say that a year has died and a new year is born.  Many of us like to take the opportunity that the new year affords to make some much needed change in our lives.  Many of us like to set some new goals, or realign ourselves with the goals we set the year before.  Some of us have had a terrible 2011 and are thankful that it is done and that we can hit the reset button.  Although it is true that the calendar changes, and Earth reaches the end of its orbit around the Sun and starts it all over again, the truth is nothing around us really changes.  What many of us realize as we hit the reset button, make changes or set new goals, is that what we are really doing is taking the opportunity of the calendar change to make a decision to change ourselves, to change the way we live, to change some bad habits and start some good ones.  To put to death the me of 2011 and allow the me of 2012 to be born.

Now before you think I’m about to start the first chapter of my self help book, let me bring it back to Jesus.  I think that taking the opportunity of the new year to set goals and make changes is a great idea, but I think that an even better idea is to take the time to reflect on Jesus and all He has done.  He has done quite a bit!

One of the things He has done is saved you.  When you are saved, you don’t primarily get new goals, or a realigned vision, YOU DIE!  You are D-E-A-D dead!  You are then reborn and given a whole new life!  Jesus tells Nicodemus in John 3 “I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless He is born again…I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit.  Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.”

Your old life is over, your new life has started, and the primary focus of your new life is NOT having Christian goals, talking Christianese or building a ministry.  Your primary focus and joy is KNOWING GOD through JESUS.  Jesus says through Paul in Romans 6:11, “…count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.” The context of the passage is that sin should no longer be reigning in our lives because in Christ we are dead to sin, and alive to God.  Our old life is DEAD and we are ALIVE to God.  But I think many of us think we are “dead to sin and alive to not sin.” Many of us have been trying very hard to act Christian and not sin, when in fact we should be focusing on being “alive to God.” The reason so many of us still struggle with the same old sin is that we don’t know God!  We have been trying so hard not to sin, that our focus is on our sin and not on the fact that we are now alive to God and can actually know Him.

We have no joy because we don’t know God.  We have been caught up in religious exercises of not doing this and not doing that and staying away from this and staying away from that.  We have become experts at setting boundaries!  The problem is that is exactly what the religious leaders of Jesus’ day did and Jesus didn’t have very nice things to say about them.

Now I am not saying that there is not wisdom in doing some of these things, but that is not our focus.  Our new life is founded, focused, and built on the truth that we now have access to God through Jesus and we can know God.  We are born again into a life of knowing God.

I watched a short video that Greg Laurie made for new believers, and there were four things he told them they needed to do to grow spiritually.  The first three were read the Bible, pray, and join a church.  Why did he tell them to do that, so that they can KNOW GOD.  Growing spiritually means growing closer to God.  The fourth thing he told them to do was to tell others, why?  To obey God who you know and so others can know God too.

Many of us want to be more like Jesus, or be more godly.  In life you become like the people you hang out with, therefore hang out with Jesus if you want to be like Jesus.  Hang out with God if you want to be godly!  You can, you are saved!  Jesus said in John 15:5, “I am the vine; you are the branches.  If a man remains in me and I in Him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” Many of us look at our lives and see that there is no spiritual fruit, so we try and make fruit, instead of get connected to Jesus.  Apart from Jesus YOU CAN DO NOTHING!

Many of us need to change, many of us need to be more godly Christians.  So yes, 2011 is dead and 2012 is alive.  But more importantly you are dead, and now you are alive to God.  You are dead to not knowing God and alive to knowing Him.  In 2012 explore the joy of knowing God!

Pastor Sean